


A Heart Apart

by NanakiBH



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Confrontations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Spoilers, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 16:33:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17881301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: It wasn't hard to imagine a future in which they could both be smiling.





	A Heart Apart

**Author's Note:**

> ***CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR KH3***
> 
> Nomura, how is that okay? If you won't make it okay... Then I will!!

For the first time in so many years, the Land of Departure slept peacefully. In the dark of the night sky, the stars kept watch. As he laid in bed, unable to sleep, Ventus watched them from his window. They were so bright, he imagined that they could burst at any second and would come falling down like they had that night before Terra and Aqua's Mark of Mastery exam.

No matter what he did, his thoughts constantly returned to that time. He knew that time had passed, though. Aqua was still Aqua, but she'd traversed an unimaginable distance in the darkness and her heart had bore the scars from every battle she faced alone. Terra had become quieter and more ponderous, as if his time spent locked away by Xehanort's side had brought him to understand the true nature of the darkness that almost consumed him.

Even though they were finally together, Ventus got the feeling that he still needed to catch up with them somehow. Together with Sora, he'd seen and felt so much, but all of those experiences were borrowed.

He didn't want to close his eyes. He'd had enough of sleep.

For the time, he wanted to take in the light of the stars and drift comfortably through happy memories of the youth he spent with his friends. A new morning was waiting to begin. He didn't want to let go of that innocent feeling just yet. The stars that looked ready to fall had to wait a little longer for him.

Even so, despite his desperation to keep the future at bay, he had to wonder where that future would find him. It was too much to even imagine, bigger than he could envision. Before he knew it, his eyes were closing. On the backs of his eyelids, he saw his friends, their home, the vastness of the lanes between, and all the worlds he'd visited and the people he'd met.

There had to be more stories for him to watch unfold.

There were always people in need of help.

 

With that thought, his heart was suddenly struck with a familiar pain.

 

He sat up, clutching his chest. Without even looking up, he knew who he'd see. Just thinking about him seemed to be enough to call him there from wherever he was.

“You don't seem surprised. Then again, you didn't act very surprised the first time I showed up in your room, either. Should I be worried about you? How would you handle a burglar?”

With his lips pressed together tightly, his eyes narrowed, Ventus raised his head.

Vanitas lowered the visor on his mask so they could meet eyes.

“Long time no see. But, it's actually only been a day or two, hasn't it? Eh, details.” He shrugged, a sharp smirk on his face. “When I'm apart from you, every second feels like an eternity, and I spend each of those eternities thinking about our next encounter.”

“Should I be flattered?” Ventus said with a scoff. Pushing off the covers, he got out of bed, closely keeping an eye on Vanitas to make sure he wouldn't try anything sudden. “What are you doing here? You must be feeling pretty confident in yourself to come at a time when Terra and Aqua are here.”

“What, you don't think you could handle little ol' me by yourself?” Vanitas asked, derision in his voice.

If he was trying to provoke him into a fight, it wasn't going to work. Ventus didn't have any desire to fight him. But, knowing Vanitas, he wasn't going to be satisfied with a conversation. If push came to shove, Ventus knew that he could easily overpower him together with Terra and Aqua, but he didn't want to rely on their help – not where Vanitas was concerned.

Vanitas was his loose thread. He was his problem to take care of.

After their last meeting, he was glad to see him again, even under such circumstances. Their talk had been brief and he'd let Vanitas go without even trying to change his mind. He gave up on him, so tired of his stubbornness, but he quickly came to regret that decision.

It wasn't simple stubbornness. Vanitas's choice was made in resignation, as if he had no other choice.

That was really what made it so difficult to accept. Vanitas could go on telling himself that he was darkness, but Ventus didn't believe that.

So, he was glad to see him again. For him to be there, he had to be looking for someone to finally change his mind, to give him a reason to see things differently.

 

That was the truth Ventus decided to put his trust in.

 

“The others are sleeping. This isn't the place for talking,” he said. He knelt on his bed and pushed open the window. Barefoot, in his pajamas, he began climbing out. If he left, then Vanitas had to follow.

When he reached the ground, he looked up at his open window.

There was no sign of Vanitas until, a moment later, he appeared next to Ventus from out of nowhere, the same way he'd entered his room.

“I didn't feel like jumping,” he said.

Ventus took a cautious step away from him, putting distance between them.

He wished he knew what to say to him. He couldn't think of anything even though there was a lot he wanted to say. It all depended on whether Vanitas was going to be willing to listen. Every time they interacted, he felt like his words went right through him, like Vanitas had already drawn his own conclusions. It made talking to him feel pointless...

After witnessing the things inside Sora's heart, Ventus wondered if he finally possessed the sort of words that could make it through to him.

“Well, now that we won't disturb mom and dad, how 'bout we get down to business?”

Vanitas held out his hand, summoning his keyblade.

Ventus clenched his fists at his sides. He didn't want to summon his own. “You know, it's pretty rude for you to show up in the middle of the night, expecting a fight. If you plan on making this a thing, the least you could do is call ahead of time and give me the chance to take a nap.”

“You needed a warning? You should've known that I'd be back.”

“Oh, I knew. I just didn't expect to see you so soon.” Ventus smirked, feeling like he'd found the way to seize the upper hand. “Did you miss me that much? Couldn't even stay away for a few more days to leave me in suspense?”

Clearly bothered, Vanitas clicked his tongue and pointed his keyblade at him.

“Cute. Lil' Ventus learned how to make a comeback. Too bad that won't help you in a fight.”

 

It would, though.

 

Vanitas always tried to psyche him out. Now that his eyes were open, Ventus saw right through him, straight to his weakness. Vanitas wasn't the only one who knew how to weaponize words. It wasn't complicated. As long as they kept talking, he'd find the perfect opportunity to land his strike.

But, it wouldn't be enough to tell him about the power of friendship, hearts, love...

Vanitas didn't understand those things. To him, those were just hollow platitudes. They meant nothing in his reality.

It was irritating. He was so frustrating.

Ventus had to control himself. He wanted to yell at him and let all of his thoughts free, but he couldn't let himself waste precious ammunition like that.

 

Vanitas assumed an offensive stance, confidently lifting his keyblade high with one hand, beckoning with the other. The sound of the grass being crushed beneath his heels seemed loud in the stillness of the night. With the moonlight at his back, his face was obscured in shadow, but there was no disguising the shape of his cruel grin.

“I hope you enjoyed playing house while you had the chance. Now, come!”

Still, Ventus refused.

He refused to fight, even as Vanitas seized the first strike. He was no match for his speed, but he managed to narrowly dodge his attack by watching his movements. Vanitas must not have expected such a levelheaded response to his attack; he went stumbling past him, a look of surprise widening his eyes. Annoyed, he immediately pivoted on his heel after regaining his balance and took another straight shot toward Ventus. He was even easier to read when he responded emotionally. Ventus avoided that attack with even greater deft, leaping cleanly out of the way.

His following attacks were even sloppier.

It wasn't like him at all.

As irrational as he was, there had always been a method to his madness, but the Vanitas who charged toward him swinging his keyblade wildly was a far cry from the Vanitas who Ventus was used to. There was desperation in his eyes, in every one of his movements.

Distracted by the feelings he saw there, Ventus was caught off guard. Vanitas was there one second, then gone. Ventus realized that he was going to strike from behind, but he realized a second too late.

Instead of hitting him with his keyblade, Vanitas jabbed him with his elbow and tackled him to the ground. He sunk to his knees and straddled him, breathing roughly.

He raised his keyblade above him, pointing the edge at Ventus's chest.

“Whatever. I'll take your heart by force if I have to.”

Ventus suddenly recalled the image of Aqua's prone body, of Vanitas standing over her with his keyblade pointed toward her heart. Ventus had the feeling that if Aqua knew what was happening, she would have thrown herself at Vanitas to stop him without even thinking, just like how he'd leapt to save her. But no one was there to save him. All he had was himself and the baseless trust he placed in Vanitas's feelings.

 

He waited, looking up at him, meeting the storm of emotion in Vanitas's eyes with his own calmness.

 

As he thought, Vanitas couldn't do it.

His hands shook.

 

With an annoyed growl, Vanitas got off of him and pulled Ventus up with him.

“Are you trying to make a coward of me? Summon your keyblade! Fight me!” He shoved him as if he thought that might be enough to finally provoke him. “It is only through fierce battle that you and I can be one.”

So that was it.

That always seemed to be what it came down to with him. But Ventus didn't understand. From his perspective, there was no need for that, yet a desire to be whole seemed to be what kept driving Vanitas. Even in the absence of Xehanort, he continued onward towards the same goal he originally sought.

Who was left to fill his head with such foolishness?

“Let me ask you something,” Ventus said, choosing to approach things from a logical standpoint – one that he hoped Vanitas would understand. “Why do you still want to join together with me? If you aren't looking to forge the X-blade, then there's no reason for us to fight.”

There was a noticeable difference in Vanitas's expression then. It was almost tender, his gaze lowered, a slight smile on his lips as he placed a hand over his chest. “You already know the answer to that. Ventus, you are my other half. To me, this is a matter of inevitability. I am drawn to you, so no matter how many times you try to reject me, I will always return to reclaim the other half that belongs to me. ”

Ventus squinted.

“And? If you and I joined together, what do you think would happen?”

Looking more serene than Ventus had ever seen him, Vanitas slowly tipped his head back and turned his gaze to the vastness of the dark, night sky above them.

“I would finally be able to disappear,” he said, reaching upward.

 

Disappear...?

 

Something about that just didn't sound right.

Ventus thought that Vanitas had always been looking down on him, looking at him as a piece of himself that had escaped – just a thing, a lost possession. To Ventus, the thought of joining with him had always been unsettling. Even though the two of them had once made up one whole person, Ventus felt like his individuality would have been sacrificed if they returned to the way they'd been.

Even the thought of it was a nightmare.

“...Why would you want that?” Ventus asked.

After he said that, Vanitas wordlessly stared at him for a few long moments. Each second made Ventus feel embarrassed for failing to understand. He wasn't sure he wanted to understand, though.

“Wow... I really envy you. You don't even know how lucky you are,” Vanitas said, shaking his head. Dismissing his keyblade, he began to idly pace around him with his hands linked behind his back. “Humor me, brother. Try to imagine what it would be like to exist as a being of pure darkness. Negativity... Negativity... Nothing but festering negativity... It's all you can think about, all you can feel. Such an existence is unsustainable.”

 

Still?

He still hadn't found a way to escape from the darkness inside himself?

 

That didn't seem possible, but...

Vanitas had no one but himself. It must have been too difficult for him to fight against it without any help. It had overwhelmed him to the point of defeat.

And so, he was darkness. That was how he'd arrived at his hopeless conclusion.

 

Ventus couldn't resent him. He couldn't hate him, even after everything. It just made him sad, realizing that the thing that must have inspired Vanitas's anger the most was a despair-filled sense of helplessness.

 

“I... Vanitas...”

 

It was strange. He almost wished he hadn't realized.

He wanted them to go back – by just a minute or two. That way, even if they remained as the bitter enemies they'd always been, Vanitas would have still been the same strong-willed, tenacious adversary Ventus had always seen him as. But, having heard the sadness that hid between his words, he couldn't turn his eyes away from the truth.

 

It was just like he thought.

 

There was no such thing as a person who was nothing but darkness.

 

“Huh? Are you crying?”

He was. He couldn't exactly hide it.

“I know what it's like to hurt and feel pain, so I do understand,” Ventus said, holding his head up, looking at him through his tears. “I understand because you were my pain.”

“Were?” Vanitas asked, his expression darkening.

Vanitas was mistaken. He wasn't his other half anymore. They'd grown apart, so their feelings belonged to the two of them separately. He couldn't even imagine how difficult it must have been for him, but even that incredible pain of his was valuable. Ventus didn't want to take that away from him.

“Do I look like a being of pure light to you?” he said. “I have some darkness in my heart just like anyone else. I'm not special. And neither are you, Vanitas. Whether you've realized it or not, light has found its way into your heart. It must have, otherwise you wouldn't be in so much pain.”

Hurting was a part of living. All happiness was followed by moments of sadness. Probably, even if Vanitas escaped from the darkness that surrounded his heart, he would have soon encountered a new sadness.

Sometimes, simply knowing the heights of great happiness made the depths of sadness seem even deeper.

 

To laugh together with a friend, then to watch their back as they went far away...

To receive the help of a friend only to be unable to repay them in their greatest moment of need...

 

There was no way Vanitas could have witnessed those things without being moved. Fragments of light became embedded in his heart. And they deepened his fear.

 

“What are you talking about? Don't make me laugh. I know what I am – better than anyone.”

“Yeah... Go on. Keep telling yourself that,” Ventus said, drying his eyes with the back of his sleeve.“We can't join together anymore because our hearts have already adapted to being separate. You aren't just a half of me. Whether you like it or not, you're a whole _you._ ”

Surely, no matter how hard he tried to deny it, a part of Vanitas realized that it was the truth. With all of its joys and sorrows, it was an incredible burden to bear, the weight of a life. Even if that life afforded him moments of real happiness, he resisted it in fear of the debt that such happiness would place on his heart.

“How can you know unless we fight? You and I can still-”

“We can't,” Ventus said. He knew, more certain than before, that a fight between them would be meaningless. “Even if we could still join together somehow, I would still refuse.”

 

The anger and intensity slowly faded from Vanitas's features. It drained away and left nothing.

The eyes that looked at Ventus were empty, and that emptiness was sadness.

 

“You don't want to be one with me,” he said.

 

“That's right. Because I like who I am, as I am right now. Even if we could join together, I wouldn't need you. I've seen my share of darkness, felt my own share of pain.” To make him listen, he had to break through first. As much as he wanted to tell Vanitas all that he was really thinking, it was finally the time for him to strike. “The reason you want to be one with me is because... You really can't stand yourself, can you?”

 

Rather than answer, Vanitas took a step away from him.

In a way, that was more of an answer than Ventus had been expecting. It said a lot.

 

Ventus took a step toward him to close the distance Vanitas made.

“Tell me, Vanitas. Just say it, already. Tell me what's in your heart.”

Of course, Vanitas took another step back, making his fear more apparent.

“I don't have any reason to be here,” he said, lowering his gaze to his feet. “Me and the Unversed... My feelings... They aren't welcome anywhere.”

 

Ventus hadn't expected him to be so straightforward. Vanitas must have understood that he'd been backed into a corner, so he had no choice to give him what he wanted. It really looked like it pained him to say it, though. The emotion in his voice made him sound like a different person. Just hearing the sound of his resignation made Ventus ache, too.

When he tried to reach out for him, Vanitas lashed out at him, baring his teeth.

“Don't look at me with those eyes! Do you think I need your pity?”

The closer he got, the more Ventus expected Vanitas to push back, but that was fine. He was closer than he'd ever gotten. Even Vanitas had to know that there was no going back for either of them at that point.

Ventus was resolved to stand firm until the end.

Vanitas kept trying to get away, but he was definitely, finally listening. He had nowhere left to go and no choice but to listen.

“It's something simple and obvious to me because I always had Terra, Aqua, and Master Eraqus with me, but maybe you never realized... You don't have to take everything upon yourself. Even if our hearts are totally separate, I can still carry some of your pain. I know you have a lot of it, but it'll get lighter if you share it with me a little at a time.”

At first, for just a moment, Ventus saw the unguarded look on Vanitas's face and knew that his words must have reached his heart, but it still wasn't enough. A cruel, fake grin masked his face in the following moment and he scoffed.

 

Then, without saying anything, giving no retort or anything at all, Vanitas disappeared.

 

Ventus ran toward the spot where he'd been, touching the air.

He turned around and around, but he wasn't there anymore.

Frustrated, Ventus clenched his fists and yelled to the sky.

“Don't run away!”

He was so close. It wasn't right.

If Vanitas ran away, Ventus knew that it wouldn't be long before they repeated the same thing all over again. It was bound to continue in the exact same way, never ending in a real fight. Vanitas would keep resisting. He'd keep hurting by himself.

It was too sad...

No more. It was just like Sora said. Nothing about that was okay. It wasn't okay to just leave things that way, not when he could finally envision a happy ending for the both of them.

 

Feeling tired and disheartened, Ventus sunk to his knees and sat there in the grass with his head lowered.

“Don't you want to be happy?”

 

Just when he was almost certain that Vanitas was really gone, he heard footsteps, too slow and hesitant to be either Aqua or Terra.

He looked up at Vanitas who stood over him, looking at him with an unreadable expression. His heart must have been battling to figure out what feeling to present during that kind of moment. It was understandable. Even Ventus wasn't really sure what to feel anymore.

“So noisy... You didn't have to yell. I could hear you just fine,” Vanitas said.

Ventus snorted.

“In the past, I used to feel an overwhelming urge to hurt you,” Vanitas told him. “I couldn't even be near you. I looked at you as the source of my pain and blamed you for all the negativity inside of me. But, how could that all be yours...? It's been so long... I was on my own for so long...”

“Yeah. You've been hurting for a long time.”

“I don't think I'm angry anymore, really. I'm just... sad.”

 

For some reason, more tears came to Ventus's eyes. His heart heard the sincerity and vulnerability in Vanitas's voice.

 

Vanitas sat down near him and stared at the ground.

“You're a lot stronger than I ever gave you credit for, Ventus.”

Ventus smiled and softly shook his head.

“Ven.”

Vanitas looked at him and slowly tilted his head to the side, looking confused.

Laughing to himself, Ventus got off his knees and sat down in the grass, resting his arms over his knees. Talking with Vanitas without yelling or fighting should have felt good, but it was kind of unnerving. A part of him was still afraid that Vanitas would turn around and go back to the way he always was, but he wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He hoped that talking to him normally for a while would show him how easy it could be.

“I mean, you've given me a lot of your own nicknames, but... You can call me Ven like my friends. It's fine.”

“Ven...” Vanitas repeated it uncertainly. “Having friends who love you enough to give you your own nickname... That must be nice.”

“Hey, want me to give you one? It might suck, though. Uh... Vanny?”

“Not on your life.”

Ventus couldn't help himself. He had to laugh. And, pretty soon, Vanitas was laughing, too. It wasn't the kind of harsh, mocking laugh Ventus was used to hearing. It was a totally new sound – something so refreshing. He wanted to keep laughing, if only so he could keep hearing it, but as they laughed and laughed, the smile on Vanitas's face began to fall.

They both became quiet, Ventus watching him with concern.

“Why does laughing hurt...?” Vanitas asked.

“Is this the first time you've ever laughed from the heart? Then, maybe that's why. It is pretty sad to think that you've never laughed with someone for real until now. What you're feeling... I think you could call it 'bittersweet'.”

“You think so...?”

“Yeah. Cuz I feel it, too.”

All of that sadness in him was dampening his other feelings, even the happy ones. It was clear that he had no clue what to do with them yet. Ventus wished that he could tell him, but that had to be up to Vanitas to figure out.

Still, it was better to see him wavering than resisting.

The unnerving feeling was already starting to fade away. In its own way, being next to him felt sort of right. They had been two halves of the same whole at one point, after all. In the end, that had to still count for something.

 

“I should go,” Vanitas said, standing up to leave.

“Why? Still trying to run away?” Ventus said, following him up. He didn't mean to accuse him, but it still stopped Vanitas in his tracks. “If you have nowhere else to be, then stay here. I know that things are complicated between you and the rest of us, but there's still a lot to say, and I don't want you to disappear again before it gets said. This is your chance.”

Vanitas made an uncomfortable sound, but he stayed where he was. He didn't seem very committed to leaving.

“I overestimated myself. I'm not strong enough to face you, or them.”

Feeling as though the earlier distance had disappeared, gently, Ventus was able to put a hand on his shoulder. “But you can,” he said. “You want to. That's all it takes. You'll see – the feelings you're afraid of aren't as scary as you think. I mean, they've been your source of power until now, haven't they? They can still give you strength.”

It would take time. It wouldn't be perfect.

The darkness in him would never leave – but it didn't have to. As long as Vanitas continued to treat himself kindly, then all of the darkness in him could continue to exist alongside the budding fragments of light.

Vanitas's eyes went to the hand on his shoulder.

“I don't know what I feel right now. It hurts, but...” He smiled, weakly. “It's not bad.”

“C'mon. Let's go back,” Ventus said. He took his hand from his shoulder and offered it to him. “In the morning, you can reintroduce yourself to everyone.”

Vanitas glowered at it, but still, he took it.

 

Overhead, a shooting star flew through the sky, followed by another.


End file.
